Your Guide to Internal Family Systems

If you’ve ever gotten the feeling that you have more than one personality, you’re not alone. Think about it: when you question your inner critic, who are you even talking to? Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy is an effective approach designed to help you manage your sub-personalities (or “parts”) while honoring your true Self. It can be helpful to look at this process as similar to managing family dynamics.

Your internal parts are neither good nor bad, but they can become dysfunctional. When you work with a skilled IFS therapist, you learn how to identify whether your deepest needs are being met — or not. In other words, you can discern if any internal imbalances are present.

We All Have 3 Types of Sub-Parts

1. Managers

These sub-personalities are notoriously overprotective. In the name of safeguarding the Self, managers will offer endless warnings about doing anything that might be risky. Spoiler alert: Managers think everything is risky.

2. Firefighters

During those times when danger arrives, firefighters live up to their name — to a point. You see, they will do anything to protect you, and that includes some dysfunctional coping choices.

3. Exiles

These parts are the result of deep emotional wounds from your past. They seek to prevent any new trauma but are easily triggered. Thus, exiles are all about suppressing feelings that actually need to be processed and resolved.

Meanwhile, beneath these well-intentioned but unhealthy parts, our true Self can get discounted. IFS therapy helps us to see past sub-personalities to discern what is most healthy and productive for us. After all, when the Self is in control as designed, the manager, firefighters, and exiles can be valuable in a supportive, secondary role.

When the Self is the problem-solver in this equation, our lesser parts offer valuable input but do not call the shots. This sense of harmony — with the Self at the helm — is what an IFS therapist can help bring to your daily life.

How Does IFS Therapy Work?

As you might imagine by now, IFS is facilitated by a quiet and open mind. To understand your sub-personalities, you must listen to them. They’re always talking to you — whether it’s a bodily sensation like a tight neck muscle or an emotional cue like a recurring memory. All your different parts may compete for your attention, so the onus is on you to develop ways to differentiate between who is talking and what they are saying.

An experienced IFS therapist is uniquely positioned to help you make this happen using techniques like:

• Turn all the noise into a dialogue: It’s not that your sub-personalities are bad. Rather, they are confused. When you talk to them, you can guide them to make the kind of productive choices you need. Talk to them with respect because they are an aspect of yourself.

• Talk to your inner child: More often than not, negative childhood memories are the catalyst for dysfunctional internal family dynamics. Talk now to your inner child as you wish you would’ve been spoken to when you were young.

• Keep the focus on the Self: As has been highlighted through this post, your priority is to create space for the Self to run the show. IFS teaches you the skills you need to do this swiftly and positively. Just as you wouldn’t give up on an external family member, find ways to trust your internal parts to make healthier choices.

Internal Family Systems Therapy may feel like an unusual approach at first. However, in the presence of your therapist, you can soon appreciate how powerful it is to help all of your parts work in tandem for the improvement of your overall well-being.

Contact our office today to get started.