IFS THERAPY
What Is Internal Family Systems Therapy?
Throughout our lives, we all experience inner conflicts between different parts of ourselves. Many of us use the language of parts to describe these conflicts—for example, we might say, “Part of me wants to go on that date, but another part would rather stay home,” or, “Part of me wants to say how I really feel, but another part doesn’t want to risk an argument.”
This language can be applied to every internal struggle we face. We might want to be productive but continually procrastinate, long for more meaningful connections but refrain from pursuing them, decide to eat healthier but keep giving in to poor food choices, etc. In all of these situations, there is an emotional tug-of-war, an “either/or” dilemma that leaves us torn between different parts of our personalities. These “parts” may be emotions, desires, beliefs, or even body sensations.
IFS, which stands for Internal Family Systems, is an approach to therapy that draws on the language of parts to work toward a more coherent understanding of the self. The goal of IFS is to get to know all the different parts of who we are so that we can heal the burdens and traumas that they’re carrying. This way, we can experience more harmony within us. We can lead a Self-led life instead of being led by our parts.
How Effective Is IFS Therapy?
IFS is one of the fastest growing forms of psychotherapy today. Its popularity can be linked to one reason—it works! IFS is evidence-based, which means that it is well-researched and found to be effective for trauma, anxiety, depression, relationship struggles, chronic pain, disordered eating, and many other conditions (1).
Internal Family Systems differs from many other therapeutic methods in that it emphasizes a non-judgmental and compassionate approach. According to IFS, there are no “bad” parts. Instead, each part is a protective response that we’ve developed in order to guard against pain, shame, fear, or loneliness. Befriending these parts, as opposed to pushing them down or ignoring them, allows them to soften so that healing and transformation can take place.
As an IFS therapist, I use this approach to assist people who are interested in deeper self-exploration and personal growth. I also use it to help those who have previously been in counseling but haven’t found relief. Because it provides deeper healing than conventional therapy, IFS is particularly effective at helping people who want to heal from relational trauma and break out of the unhealthy relationship patterns that trauma created.
How Does IFS Therapy Work?
IFS is a transformational model of therapy, inviting clients on a journey of insightful exploration and deep healing. In IFS, we understand that every human being is made up of parts (the word "part" can describe an emotion, behavior, belief, or bodily sensation). All parts are welcome and all parts mean well, even if their effects can be undesirable or detrimental.
Additionally, each of us has a True Self that possesses the innate qualities of calmness, compassion, clarity, wisdom, and love, among others. When our inner system is out of balance, our parts can take over and make it difficult to access the qualities of our True Self. The IFS journey begins by identifying and befriending our inner parts. Once a part is more understood and accepted, we will then focus on alleviating the burdens or emotional wounds that it’s carrying.
How does this process play out in practical terms? Let’s say that you come into therapy because you have a hard time connecting with others. As you and I explore this issue together, suppose we find that you experienced a lot of loneliness in your childhood—maybe other people weren’t there for you and you felt like you had to endure hard things alone. Over time, this may have created the belief that you weren’t important and that you were better off by yourself. IFS can help you bring compassion to this experience, teaching you to hold space for it and unburdening the negative beliefs that you developed to protect yourself.
The eventual goal is to help this protective part take on a new role. That role could be reaching out to others more, extending compassion to others when they feel neglected or unimportant, or something else that aligns with your values. This, in turn, can help you live a life that’s in tune with your authentic self and less subservient to your individual parts.
How Can IFS Practically Benefit Your Life?
Many clients come to me for IFS therapy after fruitless years of counseling using other modalities. IFS is different, going far beyond what traditional talk therapy can do. People who have been stuck in unhealthy behaviors, thoughts, emotions, or relationships can transcend these old patterns and experience growth and new ways of being.
This "stuck-ness" is often the result of trying to repress, change, or fight the parts of ourselves we don't like. Many therapy modalities reinforce this tendency, encouraging us to discard the parts that are uncomfortable. Yet it’s only by understanding, accepting, and embracing these parts that we are able to relax, heal, and let go of their burdens. As Richard Schwartz, the founder of IFS himself, said: “We often find that the harder we try to get rid of emotions and thoughts, the stronger they become” (2).
When we seek to understand our parts instead of trying to push them down, it becomes much easier to calm, soothe, and heal them, allowing for the emergence of our authentic selves. We can gain the clarity to make thoughtful decisions, the confidence to follow them through, and the calmness to stay grounded as we move through the ups and downs of life.
My Background As An IFS Therapist
In 2012, I attended an intimate, week-long trauma workshop led by Bessel van der Kolk. When I asked Bessel his opinion on the most effective therapy model to invest my time and money in, he swiftly replied, "IFS. It is the most transformative model I have ever seen."
The following year, I spent a week at an IFS Retreat led by Richard Schwartz, the founder of IFS. By the end, I was in complete awe as I witnessed the healing power behind this beautiful model. Since then, I've been using the IFS modality extensively with my clients. Today, I am a certified IFS therapist who has completed all three levels of IFS training and attended numerous IFS programs with Richard Schwartz.
Additionally, one of my greatest passions is supporting other trained IFS therapists in their understanding, growth, and competency of the model. As an IFS Approved Clinical Consultant, I regularly supervise other trained IFS therapists seeking certification.
Additional IFS therapists in my practice, Amy Reiff and Mindy Kantor.
Experience Greater Harmony Within You Through The Power Of IFS
Richard Schwartz says that, “When we learn to love all our parts, we can learn to love all people— and that will contribute to healing the world” (3). In other words, transforming the world around us starts by transforming the world within. And the first step to doing that is unburdening and making peace with all of our parts.
If you want to experience this powerful form of transformation, I encourage you to use the contact form and pursue IFS therapy with me. I look forward to working with you on this journey of deeper healing!
(2) No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model by Richard C. Schwartz. Sounds True Publishing, Boulder, Colorado. 2021.
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